JUST IN: “LOL” out, Traditional “Haha” Back In

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According to a new Facebook study, online laughter has devolved from the modern “lol” to a more traditional “haha.”

“As denizens of the Internet will know, laughter is quite common: 15 percent of people included laughter in a post or comment that week,” a Facebook blog post said.

The classic “haha” prevailed, followed by different emoji and the giggling “hehe”; “lol” and variations thereof, meanwhile, were scarce.(Source: http://bit.ly/1DId5EY)

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San Francisco, California (August 10, 2015) — According to a new and completely non-scientifically-validated Facebook study, traditional word-based expressions are making a comeback in the online world.

According to Facebook rep ROTFL_LOL, “Apparently, users of Facebook (“humans”) are finding that their ability to communicate using rudimentary miniature hieroglyphs and bizarre letter sequences is creating a less rich, expressive forms of communication, making us feel more isolated and alone in a digital crowd.

He continued: “We were shocked. I mean, who knew words were more expressive than symbols and letter sequences??”

In case excessive online acronym and emoji usage has caused your language capabilities to atrophy, we’ve compiled a helpful guide to word-based expressions you may run across online so you, too, can participate in a “traditional” conversation.  

1. Emotional Expressions

    • “That’s funny.” Your humorous joke / story / wry observation of modern life made this person feel mirth at your attempts at humor and they are driven to express it. Generally, this delightful feeling is expressed through laughter, but it may also result in the slightly less intense reaction known as a “smile.”
  • “I’m sad.” This person is experiencing emotions that center around sadness, a feeling on the darker side of the emotional spectrum and one that most digital devices cannot actually decode. May occur in response to an event or action, or possibly just because s/he is feeling, well, sad.
  • “I’m having a bad day.” This person had a day that, for some reason, is not going well.
  • “That makes me angry.” This person is experiencing feelings of anger over something that has happened. See also, “That really chaps my hide” and “I’m seeing red” or “WTF??”  (Editor’s note: We apologize for the rogue acronym. It won’t happen again.)
  • “I’m a Happy Camper” This person is one who feels joy and / or elation around a campsite. Also an expression of general happiness.

2. Commands and Exclamations 

  • “Sit down.” Sit the rear end of your body (also known as your behind, booty, or caboose) down onto a chair or similar furniture. Also a statement sarcastically directed at Kanye West when he attempts to pseudo-intellectually rant and ramble during a music concert.
  • “Help!” This person needs assistance of some sort. More specific details to follow but be prepared to react quickly.
  • “Go away!” This person has no interest in interacting with you, now or possibly ever. Best to leave them alone before they throw a digital device at your head.
  • “No really, please just go away.” See above; clearly, this person does not want to interact with you. Ever.
  • “Sigh.” An vocal expression that no words can actually convey; more a sound than a specific word. If this sound is directed at you, it typically means that your audience’s patience has probably been worn thin by A) your excessive use of LOL, OMG, and ROTFL or B) your excessive use of emojis instead of actual words or c) both A and B.

3. Environmental Hazards

  • “Slippery when wet.” The floor may be covered with a liquid substance. Be careful. Also a classic Bon Jovi album from the ‘80s that is still in frequent rotation in New Jersey bars.
  • “Danger” Hopefully self-explanatory. Otherwise, get the HELL out, girl! And be careful on that wet floor.
  • “Charge fully before first use.” A very annoying state that most shiny digital devices show up in. Typically, first use charge takes anywhere from 4 to 234 hours.
  • “Do not use in the bathtub.” If you need a definition of this one…then please, by all means, use it in the bathtub.

Despite any dependence on elementary-school acronyms and the modern equivalent of cave-man scratchings, we believe you, too, can learn show a full range of emotions online using W-O-R-D-S. We hope this simple guide to basic human word-based expressions serves you well in your endeavors.

And if not, we’ll be ROTFL LOL’ing….hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Haha. 🙂