My So Called Life—Day Job or Dating

“My So-Called Life” was a 1990s TV show that showcased a bastion of teen angst.  Many of the shows plots focused on Claire Dane’s character, Angela crushing on heartthrob Jordan Catalano. In the new world of single adults, does this type of angsty behavior still happen? Does anyone have time for it?

18z8n5rf74zw8jpgI have dated a lot. Sometimes I love dating and sometimes I hate it. To be honest, I’ve been on a dating hiatus for a while now.  It just seems like so much work and I put so much energy into my work day that I just want to be quiet when I go home at night.

I had a revelation this week. I think my day job is sucking up all my personal dating juice. Who knew that B2B Marketing and dating have so much in common? I don’t know why I didn’t see this before. It seems pretty obvious.

Here are a few things you have to do for both:

  1. Communicate authentically. Don’t try and be something you’re not. People see right through that. It’s one of those kindergarten lessons that stay with you for life. It’s the worst to meet someone in person that oversells themselves on a dating profile. Same is true in marketing.  Don’t oversell your features or promise things that aren’t in your product domain.
  2. Build relationships. You have to meet people and then get to know them. Building relationships often gives you insights that you wouldn’t see by just basing decisions on a first impression. Sometimes it takes awhile to see who a person is. Sometimes it takes awhile to see what product is like.  If you build a relationship by adding value to that person’s world and listen to what they are looking for, it’s likely they’ll come around.
  3. Find a channel that worksNot all avenues are equal. Find the best path to leads. Optimize and limit the areas that don’t work. It sounds cold, but you might be a Tinder or Hinder person in the digital dating world. and EHarmony might be too time consuming for you. Find the channel that works best for your personal habits.  Same is true in B2B marketing. We’re constantly optimizing digital channels to find leads that meet the needs of our sales teams.
  4. Setup qualifications. It’s important to know what you are looking for so you can make sure you are moving in the right direction. Also note that it’s Ok if  your criteria changes over time. (Do I really have to expand on this? I think I’ll skip it.)
  5. Leverage your network. I think every daytime TV host has done a show on this topic. Who are your brand or personal influencers? Can they help connect you to people that are qualified targets?  I don’t expect Oprah to walk out and say “here’s a boyfriend for you.. and a boyfriend for you.. and a boyfriend for you” but a hint or a direct question to the right person may put you in the path of exactly the person you are looking for.  The same is true for your company or product. (Is Oprah not a contextual reference anymore?)

So what’s a girl to do? How do you save some energy for your personal brand when it’s part of your start-up day job? Suggestions and adult Jared Leto substitutes welcome.

Blog 45 and Pegged Pants

Fashion Trends from the 80s

I turned 45 this year. That’s right I said it: 45. Most days, I feel pretty good—maybe 30, 31 tops. Then every once in awhile I find myself saying something, stopping and then admitting, “I think I just dated myself.” This experience has happened several times in recent days as I have a very young intern working for me.

Some examples: He entered the office with his pants rolled and hemmed close to his ankle. Me: “Oh.. are pegged pants are back in style? Him: “What are ?” I went on to explain the concept and (for girls) how you had to wear scrunchy socks: 2 pairs. He looked at me funny and explained something about runners and athletic gear that I didn’t understand. Instead of asking for clarification, I just nodded and smiled.

On another day, I mentioned a movie experience: “I was feeling bad and 15 minutes of the Breakfast Club cheered me up.” Him: “What’s that?” Me: “Twilight without vampires.”

Today’s age defining moment in (one of those ironically-named, new-fangled collaboration tools?) A co-worker did something good, and I posted the emoji (picture) for two- thumbs in the upward position. She looked at me, giggled and said. “Are you trying to flip me off?” My response: “You know, two thumbs up? Siskel and Ebert.” I got a blank stare in return. I guess I should have used a Rotten Tomatoes percentage.

But it happens in other ways too. Friday night used to be the pinnacle of my week. Where are we going? What are we doing? Now I can’t wait to go home and have a stress free evening. It is such a blessing to go to bed without a deadline looming in front of me. I get more sleep on Friday than any other night of the week and get way more excited about getting home to it rather than going out.

And work? I have to take sales calls so I can keep up with all the new technology. And right now for marketers, a new thing comes out every day. I can’t complain too much because I am pushing one of those new . ☺

It creeps in through other little ways. There is an amazing 80’s music station in Portland. They mentioned a 30-year anniversary for one of my favorite songs. I cringed! All I could think of was my parents and the fact that their 30-year music gap was the switch from Big Band to Disco. Has our music changed that much? I’m not so sure.

Ideas pop into my mind all the time. I suddenly understand Roller Boogie. It brings the concepts of karaoke and exercise together. Something I love and I something that is… well… not my favorite thing. Hmmm after additional thought, maybe that’s not age related and just a personal preference.

Finally, tis the season of commencement. On the news, I saw a mashup of celebrity comments and all I could think of was “.” 1999. If you don’t remember, it’s worth a revisit. Wear sunscreen. Still good advice even as time marches on.

Classic MashUp

Welcome to daylight saving. That time of year when the days get longer, the temperature gets warmer and we reboot Silicon Valley Tales – The Extended Version. More and more of our authors (including myself) find themselves living outside of Silicon Valley but still have great experiences to share. To get us started, I’m going to share a mashed-up classic.

Some of my favorite childhood books were from Richard Scarry. (Not coincidentally because my cool, big-brother loved them.) If you were a US-born GenXer, you grew up with these classic books that showed you animal figures in perfect caricature of town people, country people or city people. Imagine my delight, when I saw a  by  on the Tom The Dancing Bug website.

But, low-and-behold, it set-off a big debate about what should be included among my circle of friends. Here are ten things that came up.

  1. Too many suits—there should be more skinny jeans and hoodies
  2. Tesla; there needs to be a Tesla.
  3. The tech executive should be wearing a black oxford and black jeans.
  4. There should be a disproportionately priced modern house located downtown.
  5. While the “naked” cat is appreciated, it should really be taking a selfie,
  6. Everyone should be looking at a mobile device.
  7. Coffee should be more prominently featured
  8. “Content” made it, but no social network?
  9. The rage pundit should be doing a podcast.
  10. What, no food truck?

In reading some of the original comments, one person says, “being fresh on the job market, this is freakishly accurate.” But of all the comments, my favorite is “At least my hero, Lowly, (the worm) is still doing something real.” What do you think should be included?

Everything is “Sticky” – Word Games

What’s a sticky word? It’s one that comes out of your mouth in almost every conversation. It will slip out in sentences when you least expect it .

My current sticky word is “again.” I’m annoyed by it. My colleagues are annoyed by it, but why does this happen? I think “again” started coming out of my mouth when I was trying to emphasize a point. Now, I say it when I blank on the next word or need an extra moment to organize my thoughts.

This isn’t new for me. I remember being a teenager and using the word “like.”   “She was like, it didn’t happen. He was like, that really happened.”  Around the end of high-school my Mom and Dad threatened bodily harm if I didn’t remove “like” from my vocabulary. I don’t think they really meant bodily harm. It was more LIKE no car for a week. (Now who got the last word? Mu ah ha ha!) At least, I could attribute that sticky word to the Valley Girl era.

That being said, I did it. I got rid of the word “like” and went off to college. Guess what? “Like” turned into “all.” That’s right. “She was all, that didn’t happen. He was all, yes it did.”  What? Screw that! How did that happen to me? I had no explanation. I carried that word around in my vocabulary through my early 20s. It vanished right around the time I got my first corporate job.

I think I was safe for awhile. I’m sure my friends will remind me if I wasn’t. The next time that I remember this problem happening was 2011. That was the year of “#Really?” Suddenly I was snarky and social all at the same time. That one still pops in to my conversations, but at least I stopped saying it at the end of every sentence. Then sometime in 2013, it became the year of “awesome.” Everything was awesome; even when it wasn’t. I can only claim that I was a “Lego” movie fan and wanted to to put the Piece of Resistance back on the Kragle.

Does anyone know the name for my word stickiness? Is there a syndrome? I did a quick Google search and nothing came up, but I did find this pretty funny post. I’m not alone. Other people admit to silly phrases that creep into their vocabulary. I wonder if this an ear worm game. The one where you sing the most catchy annoying song you know. Can you  transfer a sticky word? If so, I’ve got a slightly used “again” for sale. Scratch that. I’ll give it away for free!



A Shazbat Remembrance

It’s not every day that someone mentions the latest celebrity death and the entire office gasps. There are so many reason to be sad about the passing of Robin Williams. How depression impacts people. How it relates to addiction. The passing of one of the funniest people on the planet.

I grew up in the era of latchkey kids. My Mom went back to work when I was in 3rd grade, right around 1978.  I’d walk up the hill to my house, make a snack and go turn on the TV while i did my homework. Yes, TV became my friend.  And right around 1978,  one of my best friends was Mork. Mork and Mindy was one of those shows that you watched with you parents and everyone laughed. Sometimes my parents laughed at a really strange part and for two seconds I wondered why.   Even with those crazy suspenders, Mork made the most complex, adult issues seem easy for an 8 year old.  Years later, it was great to watch the re-runs and revisit all the jokes  that had previously gone over my head.

Another childhood favorite was Popeye. This movie brought together cartoon characters, live action, musical numbers and clearly took all the scariness out of Shelly Duvall’s role in The Shining. I was never a huge fan of the cartoon, but it was a movie my brother and I could both agree to watch as young children. (God forbid)

As I got older, the roles Robin Williams took had a familiar father/teacher theme.. Dead Poet’s Society, Hook, The World According to Garp, Good Morning Vietnam, Good Will Hunting, etc… In a world where everyone told you that you can’t change people (especially men), Robin played roles that did. He made his students better people, learned to love his children more, and helped a really smart guy communicate better. As a young woman deep in the dating pool, it felt like he hit the trifecta of unobtainable change.

After that, he joined the wonderful world of Disney.I am a huge fan of Disney animated movies. I remember when they said that the next animated movie was Aladdin. After Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid, I couldn’t imagine how they were going to make this move featuring a male lead enjoyable. Then they added Robin to the cast and it was a whole new world. My favorite tweet remembrance so far comes from Aladdin via The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Science,”Genie, you’re free.” It’s become somewhat controversial but I take it to represent his metaphysical state now, not how he got there.

On and on it went. At every major milestone in my life, there was a Robin Williams movie that accompanied the change.  I couldn’t bear to watch when he played dramatic parts, but he alway came back to the quirky, funny and vulnerable roles that I loved. I know every generation goes through this type of experience. The passing of a major entertainment figure that marks a moment of time. I think it came too soon for Robin Williams. I think it might feel too soon for everyone. Maybe my parents said the same thing about Elvis.

Photo courtesy of: 

Just a Small Town Girl

Every day I talk to people who are amazed that I grew up here, in the Bay Area. Honestly, I really feel like a small town girl.  (Apologies in advance to my family who are featured in some of these photos.)

I grew up in San Carlos and back in the day, we didn’t lock our door, we knew all of our neighbors, and the kids stayed outside until it got dark. I rode this big wheel all the way up and down the block for hours without seeing my parents. I did however stop and visit with most if not all of my neighbors from my very best friend to the man we called my surrogate grandfather that lived mid-way down the block.  We played football in the middle of the street and my brother taught me how to ride a bicycle. (Yes, with no helmet!)

When we (or my Mom) needed a break, we went to one of the local parks. We played in the  sand (not tanbark or cushioned pads) and digested whatever parts of it that made it into our mouths.  We flew and jumped off the swings and played on the metal based slides. We basically ran amok so the mothers could sit on the sidelines and chat.  They somehow managed to keep one ear tuned into our cries or complaints but mostly told us kids to, “figure it out.” Some 40 odd years later, we are still good friends with one of these families. I have actually shared more than 30 Thanksgiving meals with them over the course of my life and my food expectations are shaped by having “the best Thanksgiving ever,” year after year.

michaelfarrelsBirthdays were wondrous things that included gifts, and goodie bags and if we were really good, a trip to Farrell’s. (Note my brother’s birthday is dangerously close to Christmas, hence the hat) I think these were all over the place but there was nothing like getting the giant bucket of ice cream and toppings delivered to your table by trumpeting, drumming food-servers. It was like your personal “American Idol” moment where the spotlight was all yours.

Then there were the activities. It was mostly organized sports but also Bluebirds, Scouts, music and swim lessons. A myriad of community driven opportunities to keep my brother and I engaged  for hours. (Mostly so we didn’t smack each other during the summer months.)  I couldn’t wait until I was big enough to go to the local high school and take a swim lesson from a teenager! If I was super brave, I might jump off the diving board. This photo was taken at San Carlos High School  which has since been razed to make way for more single family homes.

As I got older, we had more interesting adventures, including visits to Marine World Africa, USA. This amusement park, now located in Vallejo, used to sit in an unincorporated part of Redwood City. If the fading Polaroid photo had more of a background, you might actually recognize it.  For the few years that I worked at Oracle, I took a large amount of joy looking out the window and remembering that the elephants used to be right outside.  Yes, that’s right a variety of tigers and lions and.. well not bears, used to live on the land that has since been taken over by Oracle among other technology vendors.

There’s always been those five really hot summer days when the peninsula hits triple digit temperatures. Just like every other family, we would climb into the station wagon, where my brother and I would sit in the waaaay back with the dog (again – no seat belts, or car seats). Then we’d inch our way over the hills to the coast.  We’d rush into the water only to run out five minutes later when our feet had turned blue from the freezing ocean.  We built sand castles, buried each other and searched up and down the beach for our favorite sea-shells. Sunscreen? What’s that? We tracked all that sand into the station wagon and stopped at the A&W for root beer and hamburgers on the way home. This was the “drive-in” A&W – not drive-thru.  At this A&W, someone came to your car, took your order and delivered your food to your window. Imagine that. You had those tiny trays hanging off your car window that no one used. My Dad would pass back the food and we stuffed our faces. This added french fry detritus and crumbs to the sand until you couldn’t tell which was which.

So, I laugh when I hear my friends tell stories of their “small town” life. They are more like my childhood than most expect, but they usually involve a lake instead of the ocean or some geo specific sport like field hockey. The net-net, I feel blessed and cursed at the same time. I love everything about the Bay Area except how ridiculously expensive it’s become to live here. But that point aside, honestly, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.  (I’ve tried.)

How to Get S&*t Done in 5 Steps

Posting for Guest Author: Alyssa Simpson

I think one of the most under-valued and important quality in evaluating candidates for a new position is measuring their ability to “GSD” (Get Shit Done) or even better GSDR” (Get Shit Done Right). It’s not about how smart you are, what you’ve done in the past, who you know, or even being in the right place at the right time. It’s how much I think you can accomplish with the least amount of guidance and overhead.

1. Know what’s important – and what isn’t important.

Most importantly – know where the goal posts are. How will you know that you are checking items off the list if you don’t know what is on the list to begin with? In starting a new role, or evaluating how to succeed in a current position, make sure you know what is important to accomplish and how you know you will have achieved it. Most positions aren’t as clear as hitting a sales quota – having a clear direct conversation with a manager can quickly put you on track to hit the right targets and leave you both feeling reassured and aligned.

2. Don’t be afraid of trying and failing.

So the goalpost might be really far away – and daunting. It is easy to feel overwhelmed. You need to start somewhere. Breaking up big items into smaller items will get you closer to checking items off. Start small and don’t worry about not getting everything exactly right. It’s okay to get it wrong the first few tries. Recover quickly and move on to a better plan.

3. Ask for help

Teamwork is by far the easiest way to accomplish anything hard. These days most anything of value comes from the hard work and dedication of a strong team – no one individual. Be clear on what your value is, and where you need help from others. Don’t be too proud or embarrassed to ask for help – everyone needs help.

4. Have perspective

So the goalposts moved half way through…bummer but no sweat! The world is changing fast – being accommodating and flexible to new ideas, goals, and requirements makes it easy to move on quickly to the new goal. It’s okay to change course (hopefully not every time) and re-evaluate a plan to meet accommodate an unforeseen obstacle or success.

5. Be grateful

Don’t be afraid of accomplishing more then you set out to accomplish. Often your goal will creep up on you from behind and remind you that you just knocked it out of the park and achieved even more then you set out for. Be grateful to those who helped along the way, and don’t forget to celebrate the win as a team!